Reminders Everywhere
I desire music
There is time now, for creative bursts
Touch the keys, sift through previously-written chords
They’re lovely, but I can’t hear them in my heart
What resonates now?
A book, a movie
Familiar themes
Of betrayal, of being tricked
I used to think of how my past self would feel about my present
Now I know I wouldn’t understand
I have the contentment of a full life
But it is simultaneously true that I am an open maw of pain
How could someone take advantage?
Don’t they know that I, that we, barely know how we get through our days?
That though we smile, and it’s real, the pain is frothing up
Always just under my throat
Sometimes it spills out toward my tongue
This is always. This is baseline normal now.
But I can’t yet fully approach beauty in this state
I can, however, discern the pain
It’s easier
Which is why I know how much they hurt me though there was no reason
I’m already in pain
Why kick what is already down?
It was always thus.
By Stephanie Wilsey
christianmusingsfortoday.com
Holy Lament member
